Violence against Women

According to European surveys, violence against women continues to affect a significant portion of the population: approximately one in three (around 31%) of women in the European Union (aged 18–74) reported having experienced physical (including threats) or sexual violence at some point in their lives. When considering specifically intimate partner violence, European statistics show that a substantial portion of women who have had a partner reported having suffered physical or sexual violence from a partner during their lifetime. If we also include psychological violence, the percentage increases.

Women living abroad — whether immigrants, refugees, labour migrants or expatriates — face factors that increase their vulnerability to domestic violence and make access to support more difficult: isolation from family and social networks, linguistic and cultural barriers, lack of knowledge about local rights and procedures, economic or visa dependence, fear of deportation or job loss, and difficulties accessing multilingual or specialised services. These factors make reporting and seeking help more complex for people outside their country of origin.

Understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships is an essential step toward protection and recovery. Below I explain the cycle of violence, detail observable signs and provide a list of what may be considered violent — including situations specific to expatriate women — as well as practical guidance.

The cycle of violence tends to repeat itself and consolidate behavioral patterns that make it difficult to leave the relationship. It is composed of three phases, which I describe below, with signs and behaviours that help identify them:

Phase 1 — Tension:

* Increased irritability, frequent criticism, small humiliations or degrading comments.

* Remarks and “jokes” that undermine self-esteem (e.g., “you don’t understand anything,” “nobody will want you”).

* Surveillance and excessive jealousy (checking messages, constant questions about who the person is talking to).

* Subtle controls that accumulate: small restrictions on going out, questioning purchases, gradual attempts to isolate the person.

* The woman may avoid sharing problems with others, minimize episodes and try to “calm” the partner.

* There may be veiled threats or comments about consequences if the person “leaves” the relationship (loss of home, job, visa).

Phase 2 — Act of violence:

* Outbursts of rage that result in aggression, whether verbal (insults, humiliation), psychological (threats, emotional blackmail), material (damage, withholding goods) or physical (shoves, slaps, punches).

* Sexual violence: coercion, forced sex, pressure to engage in unwanted sexual acts.

* The woman often remains in shock, tries to minimize what happened to others, and may seek help in a limited or secretive way.

* Use of blackmail (threats to use documents/authorities, to reveal intimate information, or to withdraw financial support).

Phase 3 — “Honeymoon”:

* Intense apologies, promises of change, affectionate gestures that recreate intimacy and dependence.

* Gifts, attentive behaviour and speeches of remorse that confuse the woman and reactivate hope for change.

* Reinforcement of codependency: the woman accepts rationalizations and avoids talking about the episode to maintain apparent peace.

* Over time, Phase 1 behaviours reappear and the cycle restarts — often escalating.

Violence is not limited to physical contact. Below are broad categories with concrete examples:

1) Physical violence

* Shoving, slapping, punching, assaults with objects, strangulation, cuts or burns.

* Forcing the person to consume alcohol or drugs.

* Physically restraining someone at home or attempting to prevent them from leaving.

2) Sexual violence

* Forcing sexual relations without consent, coercing degrading sexual acts.

* Forcing the use of contraceptives against the person’s will or preventing their use (reproductive coercion).

* Non-consensual exposure and sharing of intimate images.

3) Psychological / emotional violence

* Insults, public or private humiliations, gaslighting (making the person doubt their sanity/memory).

* Emotional blackmail (“if you leave I will do something”).

* Social isolation: preventing contact with friends, family, colleagues; controlling who the person can speak to.

* Systematic devaluation, degrading comparisons, control over personal decisions.

4) Economic / financial violence

* Denying access to money, controlling bank accounts, refusing to provide the minimum for housing/basic needs.

* Destruction of property, preventing the person from working, confiscating wages, creating debts in the woman’s name.

* Withholding financial and personal documents (cards, passport).

5) Technological / digital control

* Monitoring messages, emails and social media without consent; installing spyware; using trackers.

* Demanding passwords, forcing posts or public exposure, threatening to publish intimate conversations.

* Using technology for constant surveillance and online humiliation.

6) Social / symbolic violence

* Humiliating in public, reproducing cultural/ethnic stigma, ridiculing the person’s language or origin.

* Preventing access to community spaces, cultural events or consular services.

7) Legal / administrative violence

* Threatening to report the person to immigration authorities, withholding or destroying visas and passports.

* Using ignorance of local laws to coerce (e.g., “if you complain I’ll tell your employer/your consulate”).

* Preventing access to information about immigration status, hiding deadlines or documents.

8) Harassment and stalking

* Following, waiting outside work/home, sending repetitive and invasive messages and calls, appearing unannounced.

* Repeatedly contacting family members or employers to pressure the person.

9) Violence using children / parental manipulation

* Threatening to remove custody, using children as a means of emotional blackmail, manipulating parental bonds to isolate the victim.

Specific situations for expatriate women:

* Withholding the passport or threats to revoke the visa to prevent the person from returning to their country of origin or leaving the country.

* Prohibiting or sabotaging language classes, integration courses or job interviews, keeping the person economically dependent.

* Threats of deportation or reporting to immigration authorities if the victim seeks help.

* Intentional barriers to accessing multilingual services: refusal to accompany or translate documents when needed.

* Forced isolation in temporary housing with no possibility of seeking external resources.

* Coercion to carry out administrative procedures the person does not understand (signatures, contracts).

How to use this information?

* List repeated signs — not every isolated incident characterizes an abusive relationship, but persistent patterns do.

* If you identify the behaviours described above, consider planning a safe exit: record evidence (screenshots, messages, photos of injuries), map emergency contacts (consulate, helplines, trusted friends) and, if possible, keep copies of important documents in a secure place.

* In migratory contexts, seek legal advice about your residence status before taking risky decisions; consulates can provide guidance on rights and procedures.

* Seek confidential support (mental health professional, lawyer, migrant support organisations) — many services offer multilingual assistance and advice on visas/shelter.

Responses must combine immediate support (shelter, helplines, legal advice) with structural measures.

Changing this reality is both an individual and political process: although many responses (temporary shelters, social support) are essential, continuous work in prevention, education and institutional change is also necessary so that women can find safe and sustainable paths to rebuild their lives — and attend to self-care to avoid these relational patterns being repeated, relived or normalised in their lives.

You do not have to go through this alone

Know that you do not have to go through this alone. As a psychologist and Lebens-und-Sozialberaterin based in Austria, I offer online counselling and can support you to:

* recognise signs of an abusive relationship and assess immediate risks;

* build a safety plan tailored to your situation (including visa and useful contacts);

* provide professional listening to deal with fear, shame and difficult decisions;

* refer you to legal support, consular services, social services and community networks.

I am here to listen without judgment and to help you find paths to protection and recovery.